The Thing About Trust...

Afternoon feenix magazing readers, today's topic is about TRUST! Now this issue is very close to my heart because I deal with it more often than not. Here's the situation... my day has been blah to say the least. Now it didn't start off that way, but the relationship Gods saw fit to make my day less than stellar. I woke up feeling good and preparing myself for my day. Even so much my SO surprised me with breakfast from my favorite spot. How sweet, right? That's what I thought too...Yet as I peeked in the kitchen my SO was engrossed in typing a text message and failed to realize that I was standing there. So after I brushed my teeth and washed my face I went into the kitchen to dig in...
As I took the first bite, there was this naggin sensation in the pit of my stomach and I tried to shake it off and call it hunger pains but in the essence of being real with myself, I had to accept what it was. So I did what you are thinking I did and I instantly lost my appetite. I snooped....

The thing about trust though is that once its broken then its very hard to get back in any shape or form, especially in a relationship. So let me take you back... there have been situations throughout our romance that have been questionable and these questionable acts have left us broken and damaged. I will be the first to admit that, but I will also be the first to admit that we are working on a comeback. Because I like to believe that a setback is a setup for a comeback. So my trust level is bordering tolerable to say the least. Now since our decision to forge ahead I have been diligently working at keeping my promise to myself and not snoop or look for things that will drive a wedge between us...but mama didn't raise no fool and I found myself fighting between two promises, the promise not to snoop and the promise to listen to my gut when its trying to tell me something. Needless to say my gut won and I pressed the view button on the text message screen. Did I mention that I instantly lossed my appetite?
Fast forward, so being that I am not one that is good at hiding what I am thinking my SO new instantly that my mood had changed. And of course the standard "what's wrong?" followed. I responded with the standard "nothing" but I believe I was more hurt than anything, because of our past, and I just wanted to get out of this space that was suddenly becoming suffocating...

So I bring it to my readers. Is it more wrong that I snooped or is it more wrong for the type of conversation that my SO was having via text message?

Until next time...
~feenix

Drama...Part II

So here I thought we were past the drama after the "all night" discussion, WRONG!

So I am laying in bed and I get a text saying "...I was sleep but have been up showered dressed and now at the bar wit my boy..." Fine whatevs, except for the fact that I sent you a text 4 hours ago and I am just getting a response. Do you! Then comes the next text "...So I will talk to you tomorrow, have a good night..." to which I reply "..oh ok, you do the same" This banter went back and forth for a while until I received a text that thru me completely for a loop...

"...You think you are innocent, but your not..." Now anybody that knows me knows that as a "white woman" I confuse easily so I replied, "...what are you talking about because I am completely confused..." And they said "...well seeing as how you are delayed on your responses you must have somebody there with you..." THAT DID IT!

Right then I made up my mind that this wasn't a situation that I am going to continue to deal with. "7 whole days and I'm just about thru, can't take it, won't take it, No, I had about enough of you...


So needless to say something, either liquor or their friends, got them all Gassed up and they went into this whirlwind of psychosis and antics that I refuse to be bothered with...

It was fun while it lasted, now its time to move on to a GROWN UP relationship. I think that was just what I needed to make the next decision in my life. A REASON, A SEASON, OR A LIFETIME...guessed we figured out which that was.

~feenix