Good Morning Feenix Magazine Readers...
Today's topic is about worry, more specifically, personal worry.
Now I hate for people to communicate with me in a rushed tone that implies or speaks "emergency". Evermore, I despise when they come with this emergency tone and then refuse to tell you specifics or any details or try and act as if they don't know whats going on. Granted a small few really don't know whats going on, but that's rare.
Unfortunately the staff I currently work with love to do this. I don't get it, and it bothers me because it then becomes an internal battle and my mind begins to play tricks on me. Primarily because I have to come to a conclusion as to what the emergency may be.
First I enter panic mode: In this mode I began to rapidly playback (mentally) all of my actions of the recent past. Even if its not directly my fault. But this comes from the secrecy people display when they run to you with this nonsense.
Once several scenarios, possibilities, etc are reached, I enter strategy mode. How can I get myself out of these presumed emergency situations. Crazy right, but the mind is a complex piece!
Now you know why I despise it so...wrenching!
The latest "emergency" situation:
My director comes to me with this rushed tone and said (insert name) will be here tomorrow around (insert time) and I will try to be here, really try. So I'm like WTF?? So my mind instantly starts going and I can't be 100% sure but I think my director followed that up with "something happened," (insert name) will be going to all the sites... So I asked what happened with this confused tone and look. My director says "I don't know" and then disappears. As I began to process this I realize that I am unclear on a few things so I try to catch my director. When I tell you my director disappeared, I MEAN LITERALLY DISAPPEARED! Car gone and everything. So I am really in panic mode now. WTH????
So all night I try to play back the events of the day and wonder if its a set up and there really is no site wide "emergency" but just their way of blindsiding me. I came to the conclusion that I was being terminated, that I didn't do something right, someone has an issue with me etc etc etc...
Unecessary worry right? ABSOLUTELY!!!! But what else could I do?
I've prayed about it, thought about it, worried about it... But enough is enough!
Yet I still have this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my mind, I see this as doomsday. May Wednesday be good to me!!!
In closing...
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
~feenix
