Speechless...

Well here we are on this fine "Hump Day"...3 days into the week and I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Its amazing, even the shenanigans at the gym have toned down. Maybe that's because I have been going to a different facility, which makes a huge difference. But on the real, I have just been extra chill and enjoying the days I have here on earth.

I have spent enormous amounts of time solo and with family. I had a pretty spectacular weekend (I WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT) and I do believe that my Dad was impressed with his Father's Day brunch. He is really happy with his kids all being around with no fussin' and fightin' (that's country as hell I know) but we had a GREAT time and plenty of laughs. That's what you do when you have a family of comedians...

But since I have nothing to say I will give you a rundown of my upcoming travel and amusement schedule...

1) Going to Kings Dominion (Sundays are discount ticket day)
2) Spending the 4th in Philly
3)Road trip to Ohio
4)Taking a tour of Richmond, including the Chrisette Michelle performance
5 NY at some point (Kels lets do it again)

...these are just a few of the things that will keep my schedule busy this summer!

~feenix

I should have been pissed and embarassed...

But surprisingly I wasn't...

So I dropped my sister off and I am riding down Minnesota Ave. I see a car to my left coming out a neighborhood and as I passed the car turned behind me. Description: black charger with tint just as dark as mine...

As we are driving along, me driving slow and with the speed limit, for once. (Sidebar: Anybody that knows me knows that Mario Andretti is my inner child) Well this charger kept riding my a**. Seriously, I mean kept revving the engine almost hit me a few times, so any good drive will move out the way. I have an engine as well so I put it to use and got out the way...

Well looking in my rear view mirror, I see that the Charger did the same thing. As I turned they were turning behind me. As I approached the light on Pennsylvania Ave, police lights come on. That's when I realized I had been set up...

So I put the car in park, and throw on my flashers (since I was in the middle of the street) and took out my identification. "The Man" was on my right and his "token" was on the right. I handed the IDs to "the man" and the "token" was asking me where I worked and where I was going so fast. I told him what I do, not where I worked, and then I said I was moving out of your way since you were riding my bumper, not knowing that you were the feds, so I moved. The "token" gonna say "well you sure got out our way fast..."

The "token" asks do I have anything illegal in the car. I say no and he asks do I mind if they check. I say yes I do mind and again there is nothing illegal in my car. The "token" gets jazzy and says "its either yes or no" So I say whatev, go head and search. (I know my ride is clean) Sidebar: This is why I tell yall STOP RIDING DIRTY!

The "token" says to his boys "he said its ok to search guys" So "the man" asks me to step out. I do and I am at the rear of the car with "the man 2" and he decides to spark conversation. I should be acting a fool but I really didn't feel the need to. Hmmmmm anyway, "the man 2" asks where I live and I tell him. Our conversation was short...

Now again, anyone that knows me knows that my car, inside and out, is kept immaculate. And I am sure that they were surprised because they thought they were gonna find something, WHICH THEY DIDN'T and that's when I looked at the plate of their car and realized that it had out of state tags...

"Token" then says have a good night Mr. _____________ and slow down. No ticket no nothing. WTF? As I rode home I was surprisingly calm, after that first jolt of adrenaline, I was pretty much unaffected. What does that say?

Thank you for Bombay Gin, so you think you can dance, a hot shower, and a king sized bed!!!!!!

~feenix

Since I don't forward chain letters....

I will share it here...

Concentrate on this Sentence

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.



"Now whatever you take from this statement is completely and solely up to you. But I do hope that it clears things up and makes things better for you. We all go through...And hopefully WE ALL MAKE IT OUT!" ~Feenix


~feenix

Happy...

Each day comes with new experiences and new thoughts and new adventures...its what we do with these things that defines what happens next and are the bricks that lay the foundation to build the world that we ultimately want to live in...

Now as self righteous and consistently correct as I am, I will be the first to admit that I do not know it all. But I learn more about life and about me everyday. I am the happiest I have been since I was a little kid. I am a grown ass man now, but the best part is that I am still growing.

When each and everyday is consistently GOOD, even with the bad and you smile more that you frown, please count that as a blessing because I do. It took some work to get to this point, but it is working for me and I LOVE ME MORE than I love you, or you, and even you...

Lessons Learned:

1) Put myself first, if I am unhappy everything I do and touch will be unhappy
2) Express myself, if I feel it or think it most likely I will say it
3) Know the DIFFERENCE
4) Remain grounded
5) Laughter helps my soul
6) Get Rest
7) Take risks
8) Face Challenges
9) Be Honest (as honest as I can)
10) Believe in something (it gives strength)
11) Make new friends
12) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE see the world!

Each day I grow! Each day I laugh! Each day I learn!

~feenix

All Grown Up...

Interestingly, I don't want anything from you. I often wondered why it never worked between us. But maybe its not supposed to. For example, the way in which we communicate is not indicative of a fostering relationship. For some reason, you feel the need to be snippy and short and cold in response to me. (again this is how i feel) Secondly, you call me, but its rarely to see how I am doing. Out of the 5 calls you may place, one is about my well-being. As I have said before it was always a pleasure to know you and to spend time with you, and it is even more of a pleasure to see you. I have tried to make amends (for a troublesome relationship that started from your inability to be honest with me) and ask you to hang out but it seems like a "get in where you fit in" type thing and YOU KNOW I have never been good with that. That should pretty much answer your question what it is that I want from you....

Now to address the clothing situation. I did not answer because I don't know why we keep revisiting the same issue. When you asked me time and time before I have given you an answer. They have not changed, if you cant remember the answers I suggest you write them down.


~feenix

Can't Take It Anymore...

Good Morning faithful followers, glad to welcome you back to another edition of 'feenix magazine'...
Let's jump right into it...

As disappointing and this make sound to some of you, I am going to retire my forever comedic antics concerning the gym and my experiences there. I feel that if I continue to be as observant of the miscreants, fashion faux pas, the gym jezebelles (both male and female), and every other "crazy" person I may seriously injure, or kill, myself on one of the machine designed to enhance not injure. My sincere apologies fans...

I have witnessed more than I care to at the hands of the gym members and below is a list of what has happened this week at the gym (keep in mind that its Thursday morning, I have only been to the gym twice this week, so far, and I missed Tuesday...You do the math)

1) Monday: A grown ass man dressed from head to toe in purple. And when I say head to toe thats exactly what I mean. Like how do you find a fuckin purple wife beater? Then he had on purple basketball shorts with a lavender do-rag and purple and black sneakers. But the coupe de grace was the pink bandanna he had tied around the do-rag. So to be fair, I was not the only person staring at him with amazement. Amazed that you are barely working out and walking around the gym decked out so colorfully in your ensemble. I mean can you buss a sweat? Amazed that purple and pink are not inconspicuous colors. Amazed that even the mexicans were laughing at you...

2) Who takes a 2 hour shower? Need I say more....

3) There should be a dress code at the gym...All in favor say AYE! Ok so how about the lady who had on a string strip ho "bathing suit" as her workout gear. And its not as if she had a body like "b"...it was just awful...Or the gym ho males who think that because they buff they should wear next to nothing. Not to mention that lifting weights WITHOUT CARDIO just makes you a fat man with muscles....UGH!

4) Or how about the people who stink. Dont you know that heat and sweating make you stinkier. Now I am still dealing with the logic of taking a shower before you go to the gym only to get sweaty and have to shower again. Is that a waste of resources?

5) Or how about the number of men with LONG HAIR....and they throw it around, toss it, and tuck it behind their ears. I am convinced NIGGAs are the new BITCHEs....

And last but not least...I bring you to Wednesday.

So I am getting my ab crunch on when I happen to look up and see this 6'9" dude running on the treadmill. So I do a once over and notice that this bamma is running on the treadmill with no shoes and no socks...BAREFOOT. So already I knew he was African (I know thats wrong but so true) Now I know that shoes may be an uncomfortably new experience but some places and activities require that we wear shoes....So many things went thru my mind from sanitation, to hygiene, to running thru the jungles of africa...but the only thing that could come out my mouth was "...let them wear your princely shoes..."LOL thanks Eddie M.


~feenix

It's All Over...A La Effie White

Good Morning faithful followers and welcome back to another exciting edition of 'feenix magazine'. Yes it is "Makin' Money Monday" which means the weekend is over and a thing of the past. Well I hope that you all had a wonderful weeknd because I did...OMG!

So lets start with Friday. After the Enemy left the office (its was a code 10 for about 4 hours) then we were able to breath and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. I was not looking forward to going home because there were bags upon bags of belongings that I had to reorganize. Sidebar: who ever came up with the idea of spring/summer cleaning...that SHITEs a drag! So 15 lawn size garbage bags and 4 hours later my closet was back in order, and much better than it was before I must say. Sidebar2: Just feels good to be proud of your work. Oh and I am not the only one that benefited... When I was done cleaning I had 6 bags of clothes and shoes that were headed to the Homeless shelter...They gonna be fly! Then I went and got my favorite pizza of chicken and pre-cooked bacon, YUMMMMMMMMMMM! tried to watch 'The Strangers' and called it a night...

Onto Saturday....now I knew that I had to attend a cookout for my nieces graduation but what I didn't know was that at 11:45am I was already running late LMAO! So I had to jump up, shower, iron, and head out all in a matter of "15mins" yeah right, even in true Tina fashion that didn't work. Got to the cookout and immediately started having a ball with family and friends. Forget about your troubles, have great food, a lot of laughs, good game of spades, and check the cooler for the joy juice at the church picnic!!!! All in All it was a helluva day and I ate wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much but it was well worth it! Love you Fam...p.s. my poor little niece Ms. Gucci, was sooooo embarrassed. She invited her "friend" to the festivities and little did he know that all of her brothers were there, her male cousins, her dad, and her uncles would grill him. I know he was thinking "they are crazy as hell and I should have never come..." But it was all in love and I hope that he understood that. Not to mention her dad was talking about him because of his skinny jeans....

Sunday...this is where the weekend was capped off right. Woke up off the early morning text that was a pleasant surprise. Had an interesting conversation, as usual, and it lead to where it was supposed to go. After a nap or 2 or 3 got up got dressed and went on a mission to enjoy the day oh and feed the hungry beast that had grown inside me. Nice lunch at the olive garden, haven't been there in ages and headed back to the crib to rap up my day. Which means laundry because my laundry basket was looking like the leaning tower of Pisa. I finished watching the strangers which turned out to be ok, altho the ending SUCKED! Had my nephew dropped off and I took him to dinner at the cheesecake factory and we had a ball. Thats my Minnie me. So young so fly LOL...and they have this dessert you have to try called the Godiva chocolate brownie sundae....need I say more? And then we took it in and ended the night...Amen!

I had a really good weekend and spent it with alot of good people. All of which I love in their own special way. To Family and Friends the love and spirit of the feenix lives within.....Take care of them Lord..

~feenix

"Fuck 'Em Fridays..."

Good Morning 'feenix magazine' readers on this blessedly chill, wet, morbid Friday morning. Today is a special edition of "Fuck 'Em Fridays" and boy do I have a treat for you...

The following letter came to me hot off the presses and I feel the need to share it with my loyal followers. I do believe that everyone has been in a situation similar to this... So read, enjoy, process and please share your thoughts...

Disclaimer: By no means are the names depicted in the following letter real and have been changed to protect people's identity. Although they may sound REAL and apply perfectly to the person, again in NO WAY ARE THEY REAL. (whispers to my lawyer, "...is that it...?")

Title of letter: "Real Talk"

Marques,

One thing you obviously didn't learn about me is that I only play along for so long. I really dont know what your motives are and why you feel the need to behave the way that you do. Its sad that after all we have been thru you still feel the need to string me along and play these emotional games (and no I am not talking about a relationship; at this point you have made it perfectly clear that that is null and void AND TO BE FRANK I REALLY DONT SEE YOU ROMANTICALLY ANYMORE) You used to be someone that was GREAT, capable of being an asshole, but rarely showed it. Now all you do is be an asshole. You say that you don't want anything between you and I but you constantly send mixed signals.... I just dont have time for it anymore. I am done trying to figure you out. I am done with your psychological games. I am done entertaining you. I am done with the bullshit. JUST DONE! you really need to figure out what kind of man you are and the things that you want out of life. YOU HAVE WAY TOO MANY DOUBLE STANDARDS and its unfair. And remember you started calling me again...and then you want to play games. Grow up marques, and I DESERVE YOUR RESPECT and if you find that too hard of a task to accomplish then just leave me alone....but i am threw with your behavior...

Guess it is true, the best way to get over one man is to get under a new one...guess i have a mission to complete.

~Bink

"Go in Bitch, Let Have...!" ~Alex

~feenix

Femininity...

fem⋅i⋅nin⋅i⋅ty

/ˌfɛməˈnɪnɪti/ Show Spelled Pronunciatio[fem-uh-nin-i-tee] –noun

1.	the quality of being feminine; womanliness.

With that being said, I have 1 mother "the diva" and count them 1)Mont 2)Black Cherry 3) Soul Rebel 4) Ria 5) Fly Betty (5) sisters...So I can confidently say that when it comes to the art of the woman I am an expert. Because of each of these females in my life I have come to appreciate and down right admire certain aspects of the female, both physical and characteristic. Examples include, but are not limited to, Scent-I love a fragrance that works well with the body chemistry, that is NOT overbearing, and that lingers just long enough to make your head turn after they pass; Legs, specifically legs in pumps/high heels; Hair whether short or long just make sure it works for you and you will get my attention; And those that understand the art of being a woman...

This brings me to my latest gym experience dated 06/01/2009. As I said before I have a thing for scents which is why I always try to smell delicious. So after an extended wait for an elliptical exercise machine, I finally snagged one next to a "lady" and the term from this point forward will be used loosely. She had been on the machine for some time because she was perspiring profusely, so I was like more power to you for gettin' your workout on. But as I began to get into my groove my nostrils were tweaked by a musky odor. So it took me a second to figure out exactly what the odor was and it was necessary that I figure it out because it was intrusive.

So like any normal person you began to try and discreetly sniff your pits to see if you by chance are emitting a skunk like odor. So after several checks, you know you had to make sure, you realize that its not you so your new task is to try and pinpoint the origin of funk. It didn't take long for me to hone in on the "lady" next to me. I was appalled because thanks to the women in my life, that is something that is almost unforgivable. Do I have to explain how relieved I was when she was done that portion of her work out?

Now this may sound wrong and insensitive but I just looked at her in disgust everytime she walked by because there is no reason for a person, LET ALONE A WOMAN, to smell like a skunk...yeah yeah for all you Politically Correct people who say things like "maybe she can't afford to freshen up..." or "in her country (assuming she wasn't born American) they don't use things that smell good.." well to both I say "well she shouldn't be able to afford a gym membership either..." or "we are not in her country, and in this one it is very offensive to smell like a skunk..." And once you notice flaws in a woman, or any person for that matter, you begin to notice everything else. Her hair was Eff'd up, shoes leanin', skin ashy...Just a sad sight! Gee, thanks MOM and SISTERS LMAO...

Please be a lady and teach your daughters to be ladies...The Art of Being A Woman: A Skill That Should Live 4Ever....


~feenix

Spotted...The "Self Sexual"...

So I have been seeing the self sexual more often at the gym. (if you are unfamiliar with who the self-sexual is, you need to refer to an older post regarding the gym) Anyhoo, I see him in the gym on Friday and to my amusement he had on this GI-NORMOUS necklace that had thousands of glass chips and read "On the Edge Ent" oh my stars I almost died of laughter. I had to do the standard double-take, did I just see what I think I saw...

So he got on this wife beater, jail muscles, 2 million tattoos, he's a fake boxer, and he walking around the gym with the chain on and all I can ask is, why? When are black folks going to get it together... That is a question that my never get answered, but until then they will continue to be life's entertainment and the subject of my hilarious banter.

I just don't understand....

~feenix

How Big Is Your "EGO" Monday...

http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?id=1539457&vid=391548&source=mp_carousel

I don't think I need to say anymore....

Hey "B"

~feenix

Was She Eff'n Serious...?

So its Friday and for whatever reason I was on hostage status. What I mean is that I was hungrier than a hostage (cuz you know they don't get fed...) So I am sitting at my desk contemplating what I wanted to eat for lunch. I had a taste for something light and airy a la Jane Fonda but unfortunately that was out of my "reach"... So I decided upon one of my favorites, PIZZA!

So I get to the pizza place and to my disappointment they didn't have any cheese or pepperoni pizza prepared. I'm like WTF...its lunch time, are you serious? So as I approach the register I ask the cashier (is that still the politically correct term for the help that takes your money?) what did she have coming out, and she replies "...oh those are personal orders..." I just say thanks and I walk away. The subway at that location has a small issue with KEEPING THEIR FREAKIN' BREAD SOFT so that wasn't an option. So I figure what the hell, Burger King is always a good solution.

Now I am very specific in how I eat certain things because it depends on my mood. So I order an original chicken sandwich with ONLY cheese and mayo...cut in half...simple right? WRONG they fuck it up! You know once your food is prepared and they place it on the warmer for it to be bagged...well the sandwich maker (cuz i don't' know what she would be called besides the HELP) takes the sandwich off the warmer and states "...oh I messed that up...) now that peaks my interest so I watch her to make sure that isn't my sandwich. She opened the wrapper, scrapped off the extra crap she put on it and re-wrapped it, but I still had to make sure it was mine before I made a scene. When they called my number, I immediately said "I WANT A REFUND..." I was asked "...so you don't want this.." and I said "no I was watching the sandwich maker and when she realized she messed up my order she scrapped the extra shit off and proceeded to re-wrap it and serve it to me..." the clerk gonna have the nerve to ask me which station did I witness it (are you serious?) and then she asked "would you like for me to personally go make your food?" and I said " No thank you, I am thoroughly disgusted and all I want is my money..."

Suppose I was allergic to the extras she put on the sandwich? Supposed I was in the drive-thru and never witnessed this with my ojos?

Customer service ha....boy is that a joke!

~feenix

Looking into myself...

So you know how hard it is to look into yourself and listen to the truth that you know is there? Well I am dealing with that today, and like always the best way for me to deal is by writing. So here is the issue....

Am I really capable of just being your friend when there is a romantic interest there? That is the question that has presented itself more recently than I care to acknowledge, but its the truth. From the situation with my "EX" and them making it a point to say to me that "...because we can't be together in a loving, romantic relationship that I don't want to deal with them on a friend level either..." Of course when they said that I was like whatever you have no idea what you are talking about... However, the more I thought about it the more I wondered if there was some truth to that. Sidebar: I must say that I had a GREAT weekend and it was finished off nicely with a trip to the Crime and Punishment Museum. No I did not go alone and the company was GREAT! So we made plans to hang out during the week. I contacted them today to set up the day and time for our outing and what we wanted to do for the evening. Once that was decided blah blah blah....Fast forward to 30 minutes ago... I receive a text, and before I could check it 2 more came through. Now someone of my texting magnitude instantly knew that this was a long text that probably explained something...so with dread I checked it. Now here is where I do something that I NORMALLY DON'T DO... I am going to transcribe the entire text and post it here.

Text reads: " I need to be straight up with u. Nothing personal...all on me... I'm not exactly sure what expectations are but to clear the air...I'm just really looking for friends...just kinda getting out of a relationship and I don't want anything other than friends right now."

My response: "K"... I mean was there really anything i could say after that. But instantly I wondered if I should even bother with the plans that we already made. And that's what brought me to my current self purposed question...Can I really be your friend if there is a romantic attraction?


feexnix is in emotional trouble...can you help?

I should be getting paid...

Main Entry: ther·a·pist

Pronunciation: \ˈther-ə-pist\

Function:noun

: one specializing in therapy ; especially : a person trained in methods of treatment and rehabilitation other than the use of drugs or surgery

So feenix is a self-proclaimed therapist. Earning street cred with abilities to listen and provide sound advice in various situations ranging from minute to traumatic. I must have the ability to listen because people, strangers included, feel the spiritual need to share their problems and life and relationship struggles with me...AND THEY EXPECT ME TO RESPOND WITH ADVICE. So I have developed the cat like prowess of a "traditional" therapist and can switch roles like that of a magician to provide you with the concrete solid sound stern advice needed to pull you up by your boot straps and stop being the door mat to the prison you call your life. Man/Woman-up, no bitchassness allowed! A person once asked me "...how are they treating you...?" My response was "...they can only treat me how I allow them to..." Damn was that profound or what, I guess this is why I am the resident therapist in the lives of others...

At the drop of a dime I will spin around with my yellow legal sized note pad, pencil, and frames slightly on the edge of my nose listening intently to the thoughts and shenanigans of others...

Advice given with love, tough love, but love nonetheless....

I should be getting paid...but I can't charge because I am not licensed.

~feenix

Excuse me "Ms"...

disclaimer

n. [Usenet] Statement ritually appended to many reiterating the fact (which should be obvious, but is easily forgotten) that the article/statement reflects its author's opinions and not necessarily those of the organization running the "machine" through which the article/statement is created.

Now that we have that out of the way...

"I in no way, shape, or form have the ill intent to offend anyone with soft manly features, henceforth referred to as "Ms" and to belittle their manhood in anyway." ~feenix

Good Morning 'feenix magazine' readers on this wonderful edition of "TAKE IT EASY THURSDAYS"... Let me know what you think of my gym experience last night.

So I am gradually reaching a point in my adult life where I pretty much say whats on my mind. (with tact of course...or as tactful as the situation will allow) So you know that the gym is the best place to see people from all walks of life, cultures, backgrounds, and all those will all types of leisure lifestyles...

So recently I have been seeing this guy at the gym and I have been quite confused about him because of his androgynous features among other things. What I mean is that he has no facial hair, NONE! And high cheekbones, a la Cher, Long curly black hair with sandy brown highlights on top...So already you can see why I am confused. But take away the face, and he has the body of a muscular soccer player... So I had to wait for the perfect opportunity. My mom always tells me "...you got the perfect timing..."

Fast Forward to 5/20/2009...I see and I ask "...Do you do impersonations...?" He says "What?" Now I know there is a slight language barrier, tacos and mangoes, but the question was quite clear. So I think it was one of those "whats" that translated into "I heard you but I want to make sure" So in true feenix fashion, I repeated the question. "Do you do impersonations?" He responded with "Oh no ha ha" and I say "You have a very soft face..." He laughs and says "...with this body...?" and I say "hey you never know" and here I thought the conversation was over. But nope he hit me with the coup de grace and said "...I have not gotten that far yet..." Whoa! LOL

The Androgynous Man...

~feenix