Super Soul Sunday...

To my faithful feenix magazine readers...I'm Back! I want to give my most humble apologies for the LONG LONG LONG abscence but life took over and I had to deal. Life set fire to my very being and I died a slow burning death. The poetic beauty though, is that I am renewed. My skin has never looked better and my soul has never been stronger... Today is Super Soul Sunday and I must say that I enjoyed every bit of it. It's not often that we enjoy Sundays because we know that in just a few short hours the weekend we fought so hard to get to will be over and we are back to the grind of Monday morning; the beginning of yet another race to the weekend. Does anybody else feel like the proverbial hamster on the wheel? But today was a little different... I awoke this morning after a much needed deep slumber; which probably would have lasted much longer if I didn't dream that I was saving and entire hosptial from a deranged phsychotic woman with a mission to destroy...Don't judge! But I woke up with a plan, and I love it when a plan comes together! I woke up and first thing I did was give a "GM" and to my surprise I was getting a "GM" at the same time; my thoughts seem to be getting stalked alot lately but truth be told I am liking it more and more. The problem is that I don't know how to deal with vulnerability; only time will tell but for now I am going to roll with it and try to be better. I watched what is becoming a top show in my line-up, Gang Land, and afterwards I got up to continue with my plan. Today was the day for domestic activities...I am going to make someone very happy one day. With that being said, the kitchen has been cleaned, the bathroom spotless, floors swept and mopped, carpet swept (my vaccum cleaner broke so I had to go old school), sheets changed, trash taken out, clothes folded, I've shit, showered, and relaxed with a cup of piping hot java juice. #winningonasunday Dinner was planned and executed just how I pictured it in my head...Grilled Garlic Chicken Pasta with steamed Snow Peas and an ice cold Arnold Palmer to wash it down. Now I am full, fat, and relaxed!!! As always, it is a pleasure to write for my faithful "firebirds" and it is good to get back in the saddle so... Until Next Time, ~Feenix

Ass Backwards...

So this has been a week that I am not sure how to describe. Some say look at it as a paid vacation, but I'm really not seeing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I have been in the in-service "training" class all week...that's not the problem. The problem is that the training is a day late and a dollar short. Let me clarify...I have been doing the work for a little over 60 days, on my own, with little help, and even to the point where management has taken a notice to my ABOVE AVERAGE SKILL SET AND WORK ETHIC... Enter training schedule. So for 8 hours a day I have to listen to someone talk to me about what I should be doing whereas I have already been doing it. I rarely like for people to talk to me for 5 minutes let alone 8 hours. My attention span just ain't that long.

So again, where is the paid vacation? Did I mention there is an unbalance in the room. There are 6 people, 2 experienced (by experienced I mean should NOT be in this class) 1 sitting ontop of the fence, 1 still trying to climb the fence, and 2 that ain't got a clue how to even get to the fence. It is just frustrating and makes for a long assed day. I don't have time for this...I don't have time for the 1,000 questions and repetition of basic information.

I will say this...people do learn at different paces I will NOT dispute that. But learning should be strategically set up to accommodate. Blessed for a job, blessed for my skills, and learning patience!


~Feenix

A Double...

From 7am to 12 am... That's a very long day. 16+ hours of making sure the ship ran smoothly... Let's start at the beginning...
Eh Eh Eh Eh the annoying sound of the fucking alarm clock. It's 5:00 am and I hit snooze. I dread this time of morning because its still dark out, I am extremely comfortable, and it feels like I just went to sleep. I peel myself outta bed and begin my morning ritual of shit, shower, and shave. The ride to work...awful as usual; not much more to say than that. Soon as my hard bottom dress shoes hit the floor it's go, go, go! Fixing this issue, making this person happy, trying to make this person do their job. That shit is exhausting for 8 hours. Administration sucks! Don't get me wrong, I like the job and I am DEFINITELY a people person, however there only so much a suave schmoozer like myself can handle. Then the phone call come....ring ring _____? Just the person I was looking for. Can you stay over? Me: how long? Response: another shift....another 8 hours!

The atmosphere is much different at night. But it's a long assed day nonetheless! (and I have to be back at 7am)

I'm tired as hell.....

~Feenix

If you don't want to do your job...

This really burns my biscuits! Who is forcing you to keep your job? I'm sure it's not the organization's finance department. And I'm pretty sure they could do something else with your salary (like put it back in their pocket) so why do I have to ask you more than once to do your job? This brings me to today's latest. So your shift begins at 7:30am and as you can see trash needs to emptied, the floor needs to be swept, mopped, buffed, waxed, etc to make it nice, shiny and indicative of a professional working environment....so why is it now 4:00pm and NONE of those things have been done. You get an attitude or have thousands of excuses when you are approached about your work performance, or lack thereof. Did you forget that you signed the offer letter to be a housekeeper, or in PC terms an Environmental Services Worker? So empty the fucking trash! SN: I DESPISE an untidy working environment!

Well I got that ass today. I mean I give credit to the chameleon that you are. I'm still trying to figure out how for 8 hours you do NOTHING but make it look like you are just finishing a task or about to begin one...but not on my watch. It's bad enough that we work in an environment where disease and germs are plenty present, why add to it. I know that I signed my offer letter that clearly stated that I would be exposed to a VARIETY of things including airborne spores that can cause respiratory failure...but don't add to it by leaving the trash to pile up and overflow.

*The power of the mighty pen*
Ms. ______

For an 8 hour shift the housekeeper has been asked on SEVERAL occasions to empty the trash, sweep, and prepare______ so that they can be used. It is now change of shift and these things have been left for the next person. I have tried to give her a chance to complete these things during her shift, but the instructions were ignored.

Signed....
~Feenix

Oh No You Didn't!

It's Sunday January 08, 2012 and my line clicks...I answer "Hello" and a female voice says is _______ available and I say speaking. She introduces herself as Ms. _____ Jackson (and no it ain't if ya nasty) and instantly I am disgusted at the lack of professionalism. She is calling to inform me that new hire orientation begins the next day at 9:00 am and I had to look at the phone to be sure I wasn't hearing things. Who does that? Call the day before orientation begins on a weekend mind you... Well this was just a taste of what I was in for. Fast forward to 9am, where do I go, what do I need, and why wasn't I informed? I could spit nails at that hoe because there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do your job. Did I mention that orientation is 3-weeks long. How you doing' (in my Wendy voice)

So January 09, 2012 was a new beginning with plenty of new experiences that I plan to bring you... But I digress, I have never worked with so many people that I couldn't understand what the hell they are talking about. I have never said "huh" or "can you repeat that" so many times in my life. I guess by the end of the year I will be speaking a new language lol...or several. Too many people not enough seats and the organizers keep saying oooooh this class is bigger than we expected. "I'm sorry, did no one give you the list or did you get a Sunday night phone call too?" just a H.A.M. (hot ass mess)... But luckily my ace boon was with me (shout out to MothaSista, 2nd in command). It's nice to experience something new with someone close to you. Which reminds me, we had to play it off like we weren't related but I'll get into that more and the big reveal later....

Back to Ms. Jackson if you lazy...she just burns my biscuits. Not to mention that she was throwing shade and talking about MothaSista behind her back not knowing that MothaSista, 2nd in command, is really my blood sister and I had to tell Ms. Jackson if ya lazy that she don't want no parts of that cuz fuck a job... Sista will beat that ass! Did I mention this is still day 1 of orientation?

Lol as I sit and read thru this, it sounds like I was just rambling. I promise it will make sense in the near future as I gather the thoughts in my head and get them under control; I have so much to share....

~Feenix

The Crunch Is On...

I just ran smack dead into the wall some call reality. I have reached a point/age in my life, which I am thankful for, where I can honestly reflect and answer questions about what went right and what went a different direction that I had planned. For all purposes of this blog post, I am going to focus more on the latter. At my current age on 50% of the goal I set for myself has been obtained, and that is the "living like a white woman" part where I lunch during the day, drive fast in my car, and do things that I want to do on a daily WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE PUNCHING IN AND ANSWERING TO ANYONE INCLUDING A BOSS. As good as this may sound the method in which I have reached this point is not the method I had planned for myself. My method included me retiring at this particular age and being able to completely fund my white woman operation!

Well the funding is becoming depleted and I am in a state of panic because I have to stop the proverbial blood loss immediately. This may mean giving up my freedom of independence, per se, and going back into the workforce. Just thinking about it gives me the mumps! But this is a result of my plan not being executed the same way I had planned it in my head.


So much for life in the fast lane; But I will say that I enjoyed that life for nearly two years and I was AWESOME! But I can't live off socialite lunches and watercress sandwiches anymore...

~feenix

Resurrection...

So after all these years on earth, I think I now understand what the meaning, for a lack of a better term, of Easter is. I guess it’s the growth you experience in life and the educational successes that come with growing. And quite honestly, it was just a simplistic explanation that triggered the proverbial "light bulb" in my head... I recall my response as being "oh I get it..."

People often wonder what my fascination is with the mythological bird the Phoenix is, and it’s the ability to start anew. Can you imagine what it would be like if we were able to just start over? I for sure would do some things differently and some things I would NEVER change. What better experience to learn from than your own and be able to apply that knowledge in a "do-over".

For me, I recognize the person I see in the mirror and accept the things that can make me better. I want to be a better communicator and I want to be an overall nicer person. I think I am making great strides to do both...So Happy Resurrection Month!


~feenix

Mirror Mirror

All things happen for a reason and I guess at this point the question should not be "why?" but rather "what now?" The mirror serves two purposes: 1) so that you can see what others see and 2) so that you can fix the things that you see. This post speaks to the latter...

I realized some things about myself over the past few days that either I was oblivious to or just subconciously not wanting to address. But whatever the reason I noticed it and now I am oblige to manage the behavior to the best of my ability.

The internal mirror is the object by which you gauge and view yourself. It the thing that points out which behaviors you exhibit are unbecoming of a GREAT person and the traits that are less than desireable. Don't get me wrong I am not speaking of the things that make you who you are, but moreso the you that you show people. I feel guilty about some of the things that roll off my lips and the verbage is immortalized once it is spoken. These are the things that my internal mirror has showed me and I was not pleased.

They say being under the influence allows for the true you to be displayed. If this is so, then I don't like some of the things that were reflected in my mirror. The face I see, I love...the behavior needs work...

~feenix

Barbara Millicent Roberts (own personal blog coming soon)

I know it has been ages since I have posted anything and my life has been nothing short of a whirlwind ride. Travel, family, ups and downs, emotions and everything else you can imagine has been an experience of mine. So much so that you wouldn't believe me unless you were there to be a personal witness...


I will say this though, I have missed writing my blog and have come to realize how theraputic it was for me at one point in my life. As I get back to doing things for me and that make me sane in this crazy world, I will once again take pride in giving others a look into a world as only seen through my eyes.

Be on the lookout...

~feenix

Not passing judgement...

So it took me a moment to realize just what the hell was going on...I heard the nail drill in the background (I'm in the spa) but i paid it no mind cuz that's a noise you should hear. But then I began to look around at the people...one woman next to me is getting a pedicure and the woman in front of me is getting her nails painted. So why the drill noise you ask? Well color me shocked when I realized that the MAN in front of me is getting tips put on complete with acrylic...#notjudgingjustshocked

There's Something To This Communication Thing...

Welcome Back! feenix magazine readers. Today was a much better day!
Now if you didn't read yesterdays blog then you will be a little lost in reading today's. I rewind...Yesterday eveing was an interesting ordeal in the H squared household to say the least. Walking around in perfect silence (something I am very good at) and catching glances out the corner of your eye. But when your with someone and truly care about and love them, it's hard to stay mad for long periods of time, especially when you are in the same place...With that being said:
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT COMMUNICATION...
And "pussy" is power to let my SO tell it, cracking up!

Fast forward to today...Silent treatment was over and today was a much better day. So much so, the SO and I actually discussed what the problem was. And since all of these hard times have happened it's been easier to put things on the table and actually talk about them without feeling like the attacker/attackee; addressing them upfront seems to be the uphill battle.

When the SO returns they will finish dinner and we will enjoy a quiet evening at home on Date Night!

Until next time...
~feenix

The Thing About Trust...

Afternoon feenix magazing readers, today's topic is about TRUST! Now this issue is very close to my heart because I deal with it more often than not. Here's the situation... my day has been blah to say the least. Now it didn't start off that way, but the relationship Gods saw fit to make my day less than stellar. I woke up feeling good and preparing myself for my day. Even so much my SO surprised me with breakfast from my favorite spot. How sweet, right? That's what I thought too...Yet as I peeked in the kitchen my SO was engrossed in typing a text message and failed to realize that I was standing there. So after I brushed my teeth and washed my face I went into the kitchen to dig in...
As I took the first bite, there was this naggin sensation in the pit of my stomach and I tried to shake it off and call it hunger pains but in the essence of being real with myself, I had to accept what it was. So I did what you are thinking I did and I instantly lost my appetite. I snooped....

The thing about trust though is that once its broken then its very hard to get back in any shape or form, especially in a relationship. So let me take you back... there have been situations throughout our romance that have been questionable and these questionable acts have left us broken and damaged. I will be the first to admit that, but I will also be the first to admit that we are working on a comeback. Because I like to believe that a setback is a setup for a comeback. So my trust level is bordering tolerable to say the least. Now since our decision to forge ahead I have been diligently working at keeping my promise to myself and not snoop or look for things that will drive a wedge between us...but mama didn't raise no fool and I found myself fighting between two promises, the promise not to snoop and the promise to listen to my gut when its trying to tell me something. Needless to say my gut won and I pressed the view button on the text message screen. Did I mention that I instantly lossed my appetite?
Fast forward, so being that I am not one that is good at hiding what I am thinking my SO new instantly that my mood had changed. And of course the standard "what's wrong?" followed. I responded with the standard "nothing" but I believe I was more hurt than anything, because of our past, and I just wanted to get out of this space that was suddenly becoming suffocating...

So I bring it to my readers. Is it more wrong that I snooped or is it more wrong for the type of conversation that my SO was having via text message?

Until next time...
~feenix

He Is Risen...

Hello loyal feenix~ magazine readers, I know it has been ages since I have graced you with my presence, but dying a fiery death and being reborn takes alot out of you!

So it has been an amazing 365(almost)...

I have been living the life of a white woman! And what I mean by that is that I have had no job and my bills have been paid and paid on time. I do what I want when I want and I just love to allow my internal alarm clock to wake me up.

I will say that I miss the interaction with people outside of my circle that being employed allows, but what I don't miss is:
1) Traffic
2) Ignornace
3) Office politics and back stabbing (my last job one of the managers will stab you in your chest if it meant she could keep her job)
4) Ignorance
5) Needy people that the workplace brings

I have been living MY life and enjoying it!

But with anything there are not so fun times...

I have had health issues that I am blessed to overcome and being in a relationship is just like having a full-time damn job...will explain in the next post, but I digress!

I've had an amazing birthday and blessed to see another full year!
Happy Birthday Sis and niece!

Until next time...

Remember the spirit of the feenix~ is within...


~feenix

Discarding Ashes...

The Feenix is resurfacing...

Discarding Ashes...